Sunday, September 28, 2014

Questions for U.S. President Jimmy Carter In Honor of His 90th Birthday


--President Carter, are you surprised and disappointed that the United States has failed to make a full and complete conversion to the metric system? In which ways do you believe that our federal government's failure to officially insist on that full conversion has harmed American society and our federal government?

---President Carter, many Americans think of you whenever they recall the temperature 79 degrees and your famous recommendation as our nation's Chief of State in the late 1970s that all Americans should help conserve fossil fuels by keeping their home thermostat temperature setting for their summertime home air conditioning system at 79 degrees when they were inside their own home. Mr. President, do you sometimes wish that President Obama would make a similar plea on behalf of helping our entire nation reduce our reliance on fossil fuels?

---President Carter, would you like to see the official White House residence where our nation's Chief of State and his family reside, be itself equipped to make extensive use of solar power and wind power as either back-up energy sources or primary energy sources? This question is based on the premise that the First Family's well-publicized traditions help to set a lead for our entire nation. If our entire nation learned that the President and his family rely on renewable energy sources to help heat and cool the White House, this might encourage millions of Americans to make a similar conversion in their own homes.

---President Carter, that last question to yourself suggests one inevitable follow-up question. Do you have any reason to believe that there might be any internal security risks for the First Family and their White House staff stemming from a solar-powered or wind-powered White House in Washington, D.C.?

---President Carter, if you were President of the United States in the year 2014, would you publicly urge all Americans to please limit their own Holiday-Season outdoor lighting display as much as possible, in order to help American society conserve energy and electricity? Or would you be worried that some newspaper such as the "New York Post" or "New York Daily News" would publish an editorial declaring you the "White House Grinch Who Stole Christmas from the American people!".

---President Carter, if you were President of the United States in the year 2014, would you recommend to the U.S. Congress that any and all professional race-car driving competitions involving the depletion of fossil fuels by those race cars should be permanently banned from this entire country, effective immediately? Mr. President, if you presented a recommendation of that type to Congress, would you also present an official White House estimate to Congress on how many millions or billions of gallons of gasoline could be saved or conserved each year through the government-mandated elimination of any and all professional race-car competitions in which those race cars are powered primarily or exclusively by fossil fuels.

---President Carter, are you disappointed that the fossil-fuel-saving and land-conserving Metropolitan Atlanta Transit Authority (MARTA) subway system and light-rail mass-transit system in your native state of Georgia apparently has not inspired other extensive and comprehensive subway systems and light-rail urban transit systems in other cities of the Deep South? Does Atlanta's MARTA system suggest to you that Atlanta is the most enlightened and progressive city in the entire Deep South, from the standpoint of a truly comprehensive and sophisticated and modern mass-transportation system having been established within that metro area?

---President Carter, are you morally indignant to the point of outraged that the American automobile industry still to this day does not meet or exceed the energy-efficiency standards of many of the Japanese and European automakers? Mr. President, would you go so far as to classify the lack of competitiveness and lack of innovation by the American auto industry in that very important category as a major political crisis and moral crisis for our entire nation?

---President Carter, would you like to see official nationwide recognition and praise for each of the U.S. cities, by population category, that have the best overall records for per-capita conservation of fossil fuels and overall energy-efficiency? Mr. President, this question seems to be particularly timely during this era in which American society is striving to achieve a greater level of energy-efficiency while reducing reliance on fossil fuels as much as possible.

----President Carter, would you like to see the United States rank among the top five nations of the world in per-capita nationwide participation in natural-resource recycling of paper and plastic and glass and other recyclable items; in per-capita level of energy efficiency; in per-capita level of reliance on renewable energy sources; in protection of and conservation of existing farmland and cropland and ranchland and wilderness land acreage, accompanied by better-planned and more energy-efficient and attractive development of current properties where commercial real estate and residential real estate properties are situated; in the dependability, efficiency, accessibility, affordability, and scope of high-speed inter-city and intra-city rail-transit systems, including through a nationwide network of first-rate subway systems and light-rail transit systems; in the overall quality and scope of our nation's lifelong education programs, including adult-education programs for parents and high school graduates and others.

---President Carter, I'm sure you would agree that the United States of America is the most ethnically and racially and religiously diverse nation in the entire world. In view of that great diversity and heterogeneity within this country, would you like to see the U.S. President and U.S. Congress delineate a series of bipartisan societal goals for our entire nation? I am referring, Mr. President, to noble societal goals that could help to remind Americans of all backgrounds of numerous profound shared values, such as strong nationwide support for the goal of a 100 percent literacy rate throughout this entire country, that can help to unite this country.

---President Carter, you are world-famous as a former peanut farmer in Georgia. Mr. President, can you estimate what percentage of all peanuts being grown commercially in the United States of today are classified as organic produce? Would you like to see a significant long-term increase in the percentage of all peanuts in this country that are being grown commercially on organic cropland?

---President Carter, would you like to see an "American Organic Peanut Farm Farmer of the Year Award" and accompanying generous financial prize that is bestowed on a truly outstanding organic-peanut-farming farmer in this country?

----In your and your kindly wife former First Lady Rosalynn Carter's dietary lifestyle, what percentage of the produce that you two eat were grown by organic-farming methods?

----President Carter, is there any other crucial category for evaluating a nation's overall ranking in which you hope that American society can eventually achieve a "Best in the World" status or "Among the Top Five Nations of the World" status in that category? For instance, Mr. President, would you like to see the United States have the lowest per-capita incidence of unwanted pregnancy of any nation in the world? Would you like to see the United States win first place in an international contest of some type that offers a first-place award to the one nation of the entire world that makes the finest and best use of criticism of that nation in a particular category that results in new strategies and policies aimed at addressing that criticism by that nation?

----President Carter, during your term of office as U.S. President, which criticism of your Administration or of the U.S. Government do you now believe to have been the most helpful to you and your colleagues in the Carter Administration? Mr. President, would you please elaborate on which programs or policies your Administration developed in response to that particular helpful criticism?

---President Carter, one of your famous predecessors in the White House, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, established a renowned "Brain Trust," as it was called, that enabled President Roosevelt to draw upon advice and ideas many of the finest public-policy-minded thinkers in American society throughout his tenure as our nation's Chief of State. Mr. President, do you recall which steps you pursued as our U.S. President to invite and obtain and make use of great public-policy ideas for our federal government? Do you believe that any honorable and first-rate U.S. President of the 21st Century should establish an effective modern counterpart to President Roosevelt's legendary "Brain Trust"?

---President Carter, do you believe today that each and every State of the Nation address that is delivered by any current or future U.S. President should devote some time for discussing the current nationwide drop-out rate by American high school students, along with offering reasons why the President believes that all high school students should strive to stay in school until they graduate.

----President Carter, do you regard it as disgraceful that the majority of Americans of today could not tell you the current nationwide high-school drop-out rate among our nation's high school students? Mr. President, do you believe that particular drop-out rate should serve as the basis for very extensive review and publicity and discussion throughout our entire nation each year?

----President Carter, do you know of any state in the nation or any city in this nation that currently hosts an annual symposium or annual public hearing aimed at discussing long-term and short-term trends in the high-school drop-out rate? Mr. President, do you believe that some philanthropic foundation should help to fund the establishment of an annual symposium tradition of that type in as many cities and counties of this country as possible?

---President Carter, do you believe that the American public school districts with the lowest dropout rate for each respective U.S. state of our nation should receive statewide and nationwide praise and recognition? Mr. President, do you also believe that there should be an annual tradition in this country in which several of many of those cited outstanding public school districts by that criterion participate in an annual public symposium in Washington D.C. that explores why each of those public school districts achieved great success at retaining nearly all or a very high percentage of their high school students up to and including the point of their graduation from high school?

----President Carter, many Americans remember you for a nationally televised speech you delivered during your Presidency in which you deplored what you identified as a societal malaise in American society during the latter 1970s. Do you believe that the magnitude and severity of the cited societal malaise in American society has increased since then? What advice would you offer to President Obama and the U.S. Congress on how that societal malaise problem in American society could be addressed successfully at present?

---President Carter, does it alarm you to note that Devil-Worshipping or Satanic Cults are reportedly widespread in American society today? Mr. President, I was reminded of this question by an unexpected observation that a Houston-based private attorney member of the State Bar of Texas, Mr. John Mayer, volunteered to me on the telephone during a long-distance phone call I made to his Ross Banks law office in Houston from my rental apartment unit in Austin, Texas. In that telephone conversation, Mr. Mayer volunteered to me that "There appear to be a lot of Devil Worshipers and Satanic Cult members in Austin (Texas) who are harassing you (John Kevin McMillan of Austin, Texas) these days!" (approximate quote).

---President Carter, in the multi-decade period since the late 1970s when you held office as our Chief of State, what do you believe the long-term trend has been in the percentage of all Americans who directly identify themselves as being either "Devil Worshipers" or "followers of Satan"---persons who, I might add, presumably make no attempt to be honest or law-abiding or honorable or conscientious or kind or benevolent toward other Americans. Mr. President, in which ways do you believe that the federal government can or should address that particular societal malaise?

---President Carter, do you regard the surprising popularity of libertarianism in the United States of today as a very alarming expression of anarchistic impulses and an also-alarming exaltation of hedonism on the part of many Americans?

----President Carter, does it seem to you that self-identified "libertarian" Americans are far less likely than other Americans to exhibit conscientious vigilance by promptly calling 911 and reporting to a law-enforcement agency that they have directly observed possible evidence of someone other than themselves being possibly victimized by alleged possible crime? Mr. President, do you sense that the self-identified "libertarians" tend to ignore evidence they observe or hear of OTHER persons being wronged?

---President Carter, when an American of today declares to you that he is "libertarian," does this serve as an immediate warning sign to you that he very likely smokes marijuana on a frequent basis during his leisuretime? Or do you yourself regard the "marijuana-smoker" interpretation on that as being unfair toward the majority of the self-identified "libertarians" of today in this country?

---President Carter, many Americans worry that American society is at risk of turning into a "Nation of Potheads" as a result of the alarming trend toward legalization of marijuana and decriminalization of marijuana throughout much of the United States. Mr. President, what advice would you to offer to those anti-marijuana-minded and law-abiding Americans, myself among them, who recently learned that our duly elected state lawmaker---and in my own legislative district in the Austin area of Texas, the official holding that distinction is a Jewish gentleman attorney member of the State Bar of Texas named Elliott Naishtat ----himself supports legalization of marijuana in some cited context. Mr. President, would you recommend that those of us who are proud to be anti-marijuana citizens of the U.S. should ourselves organize a signature petition drive to ask our duly elected state legislator to please re-consider his own ill-advised support for legalization of "medical marijuana," for instance?

----President Carter, do you yourself sense that states and cities of the U.S. that are "soft on marijuana," so to speak, are inviting inevitable tragedies in which an air traffic controller reports for work high on marijuana, for instance, and then triggers an airplane crash resulting from his inability to think quickly and rationally while under the influence of marijuana at the workplace. Mr. President, are you also worried that marijuana-addiction by any of the federal employees whom we Americans trust to guard our nuclear missile silos could result in their accidentally firing a nuclear warhead missile toward Russia, thereby triggering World War III all because that federal employee reported for work while "high" on marijuana?

----President Carter, you have taken pride in yourself supporting a liberal Democratic Party agenda for our nation. Mr. President, do you find it offensive to note all the Americans of today who equate the word "liberal" with "favorable toward legalization of marijuana" or "addicted to marijuana" or "sexually promiscuous to the point of participating in anonymous sex with a wide variety of sex partners on a frequent and year-round basis"? Do you sense, Mr. President, that what you once regarded as a noble liberal Democratic Party agenda for this nation has been trivialized and turned into a mockery of what you yourself regard as being true and sincere political ideals for our entire nation?

----President Carter, do you believe that the President of the United States should set an admirable moral standard by insisting that any and all guests to the White House, regardless of whether they are a head of state for a foreign nation, must first pass an initial inspection by an official White House "drug-sniffing dog" in the foyer of the White House? The first-rate drug-sniffing dog performing that noble role for the White House would presumably bark repeatedly if that alert canine "White House staff member," sot to speak, sniffs any evidence of any marijuana or cocaine or any other illicit drug on the body of or in any attache case or sachel or purse held by any visitor to the White House in Washington, D.C.
Mr. President, would you also like to see the White House also offer very prompt photographic publicity to our entire nation and world about each and every instance in which a visitor to the White House fails an inspection from the official "White House drug-sniffing dog," and is then in fact "arrested" and handcuffed and promptly escorted away from the White House by Secret Service agents or FBI agents?

---President Carter, do you believe that the President of the United States should set a strong moral lead by establishing a personnel policy of zero-tolerance toward deliberate public verbalization of noteworthy dishonest statements by any member of the President's staff or by any federal official who had been appointed to their position of employment by the President? Mr. President, would you like to see a moral and legal precedent established in which a Chief of State in our nation publicly announces that he had just fired a staff member or official under his supervision "because he told a flagrant lie to myself" or "because she told a flagrant lie to the U.S. Congress in public testimony she gave before a subcommittee of the U.S. Congress," or words to that effect.

---President Carter, if you were in President Obama's shoes today, would you propose legislation to the U.S. Congress that would impose extensive restrictions on or impose a complete and permanent ban on the infliction of tattoos on the bodies of American citizens in the United States?

---President Carter, you must be very impressed by the significant increase in the number of career opportunities with non-profit organizations in recent decades throughout this entire nation. In your view, does that very increase in non-profit group career opportunities point to a societal healthfulness or vitality in this nation that you are proud of?

--President Carter, would you like to see additional changes in the formula used by Wall Street to determine whether any given day of trading can be viewed as a "success" for our nation and our economy? For instance, would you like to see formulas developed in evaluating or guiding stock market activities that more fully reflect noble societal goals such as environmental protection, energy conservation, land conservation, water conservation, the recycling of recyclable materials, promotion of lifelong education, promotion of salutary and enjoyable lifelong hobbies and pastimes for all Americans, and the like.

----President Carter, would you support a massive long-term realignment of our American economy that would significantly reduce the role held in our nation's economy by tattoo parlors and the tattooing industry, the drinking-alcohol industry, the tobacco industry, the so-called "legal" marijuana industry, the very violent and very injurious so-called sport of professional boxing, the very dangerous and often-fatal so-called sport of professional race-car driving, the gambling industry, the psychiatric-medical-services industry, and by so-called "entertainment" movies that feature lots of gratuitous violence.

----President Carter, many people are impressed by your very fine longevity and think of you as a leading exponent of the health benefits from consumption of nuts in one's dietary lifestyle. It is widely assumed that since you were once employed as a peanut farmer in the U.S. state of Georgia, you no doubt have included nuts in your own dietary lifestyle throughout your adult life. Do you believe that the federal government should adopt an official "Nut Promotion" policy offering special financial incentives for the agricultural production of nuts such as peanuts, walnuts, almonds, and pecans?

----President Carter, do you agree with those Americans, myself among them, who have concluded that we simply could not feel comfortable about ourselves ever residing in the tobacco-producing states of Virginia or North Carolina. I am referring, of course, to my and many other Americans' awareness that those two U.S. states are morally responsible for thousands or millions of cancer-related deaths each year throughout the world. Those two U.S. states incur that massive legal liability and very sinister worldwide reputation through their production and importation of tobacco products from those two American states that, when consumed by persons throughout the U.S. and Canada and the rest of the world, result in thousands or millions of deaths each year.

----President Carter, would you like to see a major realignment of the economies of Virginia and North Carolina that would achieve a gradual phase-out of any and all tobacco production in those two U.S. states? Would you also like to see those two U.S. states offer major financial incentives for any and all current tobacco farmers there to themselves switch to peanut farming?

----President Carter, would you support research aimed at identifying a societally beneficial use of tobacco that would NOT be harmful to human health and would not involve any actual personal consumption or ingestion of tobacco by human beings? For instance, would you like to see tobacco be used as an ingredient in pesticides?

----President Carter, have you been shocked to sense that the nationwide rate of tobacco addiction apparently has not declined significantly since the period when you served as Chief of State for the United States? I raise this question because, as I am sure you might agree, no nation of this world can truly be called mentally healthy if a significant percentage of that nation's citizens are addicted to consumption of tobacco products.

---President Carter, it must have been very, very sad for you in the 1970s when you witnessed the suicidal alcohol-addiction by your flamboyant and often-quoted brother, Billy Carter. Looking back, is there anything you could have done differently that might have helped to save or rescue your brother, Billy, from dying at an early age because of his very tragic addiction to alcohol?

---President Carter, do you know of any alcohol-treatment program anywhere in your beloved U.S. state of Georgia that is currently named as the "Billy Carter Alcohol-Treatment Center," or words to that effect? If not, would you support the establishment of an alcohol-treatment center somewhere in your and your late brother's native state of Georgia that would bear Billy Carter's name as a way of honoring the many attempts Billy no doubt made to rid himself of his vile addiction to alcohol?

---President Carter, in your role as a world-famous Christian gentleman and religious leader in our nation, do you yourself believe that the chief executive officers or chairmen of the boards of tobacco companies in the United States are each at risk of "going to Hell," in a Christian-theology sense of that term, after they themselves eventually die of presumably natural causes. Or are you among those religious optimists who really and truly believe that each of the current CEOs of tobacco-industry corporations and each of the current chairmen of the boards of tobacco industry corporations in the United States could, in your view, end up in a Christianity-posited "Heaven" after they themselves presumably die of natural causes?

----President Carter, do you agree with those who maintain that human beings' addiction to tobacco comprises a form of slavery or enslavement of those human beings that severely injures and jeopardizes their own medical health? If you do agree on that point, do you also agree with those observers who maintain that the tobacco-producing U.S. states of North Carolina and Virginia are, from that standpoint, "slavery states" in the world of today?

----President Carter, do you support the human right and legal right of all gainfully employed Americans to request through their employer that their own 401K retirement plan does not feature any financial investments in the tobacco industry or alcohol industry, for instance? There must be millions of Americans who would feel much happier about their own 401K retirement plan if they knew that the 401K deductions being taken from their own paychecks at their workplace were not going toward investments in the tobacco or alcohol industries, for instance.

---President Carter, are you disappointed that our federal government in the year 2014 still has not established or presided over the establishment of a truly comprehensive nationwide network of first-rate and affordable drug-addiction-treatment programs, alcohol-addiction-treatment programs, and tobacco-addiction treatment programs that low-income persons and middle-income Americans could have the option of enrolling in on a voluntary basis.

----President Carter, if you could personally add one amendment to the United States Constitution, with help from approval by the U.S. Congress and ratification by U.S. states, what new amendment would you personally want to see added to our nation's Constitution? Would that be a permanent ban on the production and sale and distribution of any drinking alcohol anywhere in the United States? Or would that be a permanent ban on the production and sale and distribution of tobacco products such as cigarettes or cigars or snuff tobacco?
Or, instead, would you propose a Constitutional amendment permanently banning the production or sale or distribution of either marijuana or so-called "medical marijuana" anywhere and everywhere in the United States?
Or, instead, would you seek a clarification to the Freedom of Religion clause of the Bill of Rights, stating very clearly and emphatically that any self-identified "religion" or "religious group" in this nation that advocates or sponsors physically violent vigilante conduct or engages in anonymous speech activities violating the privacy rights and other legal rights of anyone, thereby forfeits protected tax-exempt status as a religion or religious group, and would also forever forfeit the legal right to claim "Freedom of Religion" and "Freedom of Speech" protection under the Bill of Rights?
Or, instead, would you seek an amendment that very clearly endorses the use of contraceptives and, as a last resort, abortions, as a means of preventing or terminating unwanted pregnancies anywhere in this country?
Or, instead, would you seek an amendment to the Constitution that specifically cites zero population growth as an official goal of the United States Government and of American society?

----President Carter, one Boston-area private attorney, John Groesbeck, informed myself on the telephone earlier this century that he had learned about a top-secret federal "thought-control" research project or experiment involving unwitting or involuntary participants that reportedly occurred in the Boston or Quincy area of Massachusetts in the 1980s, Mr. Groesbeck indicated. Mr. Groesbeck made that disclosure to me in the context of his informing me on the telephone in that long-distance phone conversation I had with him from my rental apartment in Austin, Texas, that I myself might have been among the persons subjected to a federally sponsored experiment of that type in the Boston area without my prior consent having been obtained, attorney John Groesbeck advised me.

As you know, Mr. President, your immediate successor in the White House, Ronald Reagan, served as the Republican Chief of State of this entire country throughout most of the 1980s, with Republican George Bush Sr. then serving as U.S. President for one term in the latter 1980s. Mr. President, are you surprised to be told today about this disclosure from attorney John Groesbeck? Had you yourself, and not Mr. Reagan or George Bush Sr., served as our Chief of State during the 1980s, would you have yourself publicly and vigorously opposed any attempt by the federal government to subject anyone without his own prior consent to a so-called "thought-control project?"

----President Carter, do you believe our federal government should issue an annual report on the marital divorce rate for each state of the U.S., each region of the U.S., and on a nationwide basis. If so, which federal agency do you believe should issue that annual report and hold an annual press conference identifying factors that appear to play a role in marriages resulting in divorce in this country.

----President Carter, do you believe there should be an annual "White House Conference on 21st Century American Marriages" that explores the various ways in which strictly-mutual-consent personal marriages in this country can be mutually-beneficial, mutually-healthful, mutually-harmonious, mutually-creative, educationally-enriching for both partners, mutually-enjoyable, and lasting in nature.

---President Carter, do you subscribe to the view that married couples who exercise together, such as by their taking hikes together or jointly traveling to a swimming pool, are more likely to stay together than married couples in which no such joint-athletic-exercise routine exists.

----President Carter, many people remember you as an avid tennis player, which no doubt has played a major role in your very fine longevity and medical health. Have you been disappointed by the apparent decline in the percentage of all American male professional tennis players, and in the percentage of all of the American female professional tennis players, who win at least one majors professional tournament or at least one professional tournament in any given year? What do you believe our federal government should do, if anything, to promote a long-term increase in the total number of professional men's tennis players and in the total number of women's professional tennis players who in any given year rank among the top 10 men's or women's players in the entire world.

---President Carter, would you support the establishment of an "American Professional Tennis Sportsman of the Year Award" that could be conferred on a male professional tennis player or female professional tennis player from the United States who exhibits a polite and honest and conscientious and friendly and noble gentlemanly or ladylike style through his or her professional tennis career.

---President Carter, it seems likely that you were impressed by a recent public statement made by Spanish professional tennis champion Rafa Nadal that he believes that professional tennis tournaments should feature more tennis courts, such as the clay tennis courts that he specifically cited, that are orthopedically safe or healthful for the players and their feet. Do you agree with Rafa Nadal that it is cruel and sadistic to expect professional tennis players to compete on hard courts that were clearly NOT designed by orthopedic specialists, and that inflict numerous foot injuries and other injuries on the players?

----President Carter, I am sure it must be quite painful for you to watch a varsity college football game or professional football game and directly observe that several of the competitors in that contest were injured on a play so severely that they required special medical attention, with some of those players actually leaving the game for the remainder of the game because of that injury. Mr. President, would you like to see an annual award and generous cash prize conferred on coaches and players for both teams that compete in the varsity-collegiate football game and professional football game respectively, that are judged to have been the best-played collegiate or professional football game that season or post-season period in which no player from either team sustained an injury at any time during that entire game? In short, Mr. President, do you support an increased dedication to a "finesse offense," to borrow a term that was apparently invented by Coach Tom Landry of the Dallas Cowboys in the 1970s, as well as the development of a "finesse defense"---styles of play that are effective competitively while minimizing any form of physical contact that might actually cause an injury to any player in a football game.

----President Carter, does it cause you to wince with dismay when you reflect on the continued failure of the American restaurant industry and other industries in the United States to participate fully in the recycling of paper goods, plastic goods, and other recyclable items? In your view, does the continued failure of much of American society to participate extensively in natural-resource recycling comprise a 21st Century societal malaise of the type you deplored in your famous 1970s televised address to our nation?

----President Carter, do you ever experience any lack of love on your part toward the United States and American society when you yourself note that the per-capita incidence of violent crime in this nation is among the highest among all of the affluent industrialized nations; that American society is reportedly responsible for fully two-thirds of the Global Warming effect that is inflicting widespread crises on our global environment; that the percentage of all Americans who are addicted to tattoos being emblazoned on their own bodies, or who are addicted to tobacco products, alcohol, marijuana, and other illicit drugs, is shockingly high at present; that the per-capita incidence of obscene or profane speech in Americans' everyday conversations may well currently be at an all-time high; that there is an alarming trend toward legalization of marijuana throughout much of this country; very costly American military campaigns in a variety of nations is a given of life these days; and that the level of over-consumption of natural resources and the squandering of natural resources and other consumer goods by America society apparently exceeds that of any other nationality in the entire world?

----President Carter, do you feel more love toward American society of today, as compared with American society in the early 1990s or late 1970s, for instance? If you feel less love toward American society of today as compared with the U.S.A. of the early 1990s or late 1970s, do you ever sense that any such lack of love for American society of today borders on a profound yet civilly-stated and lawfully expressed alienation from American society of today on your part?

---President Carter, many Americans remember you as having apparently been the first-ever U.S. President who requested and obtained the establishment of a double-blind or triple-blind trust account into which all of your own financial investments were placed throughout your tenure as President. Have you been disappointed that none of your successors have lived up to your own standard of integrity in that way? Also, do you believe the U.S. Congress should approve a new law that requires any future U.S. President to agree to have all of his or her own financial investments be placed in a double-blind or triple-blind trust account throughout the entirety of his or her term of office.

---President Carter, in view of the increasing complexity of the Presidency during this modern era of frequent military actions and terrorism-deterrence-related public-policy actions and frequent crises of other types as well, do you agree with University of Texas at Austin Government Professor Bruce Buchanan's 1970s proposal that three officials, rather than just one, should share the duties of President, comprising a "Panel Presidency" as Professor Buchanan called it, in the Executive Branch of the U.S. Government?

----President Carter, much has been said about terrorism and accompanying outrageous violence in the world of today. This raises the inevitable question of whether any aspects of American society's conduct and the federal government's or state governments' conduct ever strike you as comprising a form of flagrantly destructive and homicidal terrorism. For instance, do you regard the shocking failure of the U.S. Congress to approve the multinational treaty on behalf of protecting the ozone layer and global environment as an example of government-endorsed defacto terrorism, since the U.S. Government is thereby perpetuating outrageously injurious conduct by American society that can lead to mass destruction of our environment and the loss of millions of human lives throughout this entire world.

----President Carter, do you recall any other examples of state-ordered or state-sponsored defacto terrorism at any time since the 1970s for which you yourself believe that the federal government or one or more state governments of the United States can be held morally or legally responsible for those flagrantly destructive and injurious activities?

----President Carter, are you dismayed to sense that many of the terrorist political or religious groups of today are groups whose political or religious grievances could have resulted instead, had the initial response to those groups' concerns been handled differently at an earlier time, in a civil and law-abiding and honorable public dialogue accompanied by constructive public-policy actions by the government that took into account any and all legitimate grievances from those groups.

---President Carter, do you believe it is a contradiction in terms to speak of "lasting peace in the Middle East"? Or do you truly believe that a truly lasting peace among and within all nations of the Middle East can in fact be achieved in the foreseeable future?

---President Carter, there has been considerable news media coverage in recent years in regard to the very hazardous nature of a career as a diplomat or embassy staff member inside an Embassy of the United States Government in a foreign nation in Africa or the Middle East.
Mr. President, are you concerned about the possibility that the violent terrorist attacks on American embassies overseas in recent years could possibly trigger a long-term decline in the overall caliber of American men and women who choose to pursue a diplomatic career through the U.S. State Department? I am posing this question because, as I'm sure you might agree, many of our most talented Americans would not normally pursue a career if they lacked confidence that through that career they could also enjoy a full and healthy natural longevity and creatively vital lifespan.

---President Carter, does it strike you as possible that the federal government's deficit will become so astronomically high at some point---and it seems very likely that point has already been reached, in fact---that the federal government's ability to financially rescue the foreign nation of Israel with billions of dollars in foreign aid might turn into an impossibility?

-----President Carter, do you ever have nightmares, whether in your nocturnal dreams or in your waking hours, about the federal government of the United States going bankrupt at some point in the foreseeable future?

----President Carter, many billions of dollars have been spent by the United States Government on military campaigns in the Middle East in recent years. In your view, do those very expenditures of federal funds in that quantity inherently and automatically jeopardize our own country's national security by putting our federal government at greater risk of going bankrupt?

----President Carter, do you in fact regard it as reasonable to conclude that a scenario in which the federal government of the United States goes bankrupt would also be one that, by definition, significantly jeopardizes our entire country's national security?

----President Carter, have you been surprised by how rarely political observers of the current Middle Eastern crisis have ever referred to the cited "strategic value" of Iraq or Afghanistan, from the standpoint of the United States and our federal government and our own nation's goals and objectives?

----President Carter, it has been said that Turkey is a very rare example of a predominantly Moslem county that actually exhibits an admirable tolerance toward Freedom of Religion by all residents of Turkey and visitors to Turkey. If you were in President Obama's shoes today, would you do more than Obama has done to publicly honor and praise Turkey as one example of a Moslem-dominated foreign nation where citizens of that nation who practice other religions are not themselves punished or persecuted or subjected to retaliatory violence by Moslems or the Moslem-dominated government in that particular nation.

----President Carter, do you subscribe to the view that our federal government and American society should have many points of agreement with the majority of the Moslem-dominated nations of this world? If so, what do you believe those points of agreement might include?

---President Carter, many Americans found it impressive in the 1970s when you as our nation's famously Christian head of state from Georgia chose to appoint a Jewish gentleman as your Secretary of the Treasury. Mr. President, regardless of whether that Jewish gentleman, Mr. Michael Blumenthal, was Christian or a subscriber of Judaism, and he may well have been a possible convert to Christianity, do you believe your appointment of a Jewish man to a cabinet-level position helped to reassure Americans that you yourself as a Christian non-Jewish gentleman have a very high estimation of those Jewish Americans who do in fact have outstanding integrity and honesty and politeness and diligent obedience of the law at all times in addition to their being persons who excel in their chosen career field?

----President Cater, you may recall that your Chief of Staff during your White House years, Mr. Hamilton Jordan, was criticized by some Americans for not being as principled or as morality-minded or conscientious or honest as you yourself are. Looking back, would you have chosen someone OTHER than Hamilton Jordan as your White House Chief of Staff? Also, which traits do you believe a 21st Century U.S. President should look for in a White House Chief of Staff?

---President Carter, many observers suggested that your White House Chief of Staff in the late 1970s, Mr. Hamilton Jordan, who I believe was possibly a native Georgian, and your brother, Billy Carter, were among the most flamboyant and volatile figures associated with you at any time during your entire tenure as Chief of State. Looking back, do you yourself believe the news media devoted an excessive amount of attention to exploring the apparent contrast between your own polite and respectful style of leadership and, on the other hand, the style exhibited by Hamilton Jordan and your brother, Billy Carter, the latter of whom apparently never held any official position of leadership in your Administration.

---President Carter, do you believe the American news media did justice to your wife, Rosalynn Carter, when the media in the late 1970s described her as a "Steel Magnolia"? Is that in fact a nickname that the First Lady chose for herself, or was it a nickname that some newspaper reporter chose to informally assign to Mrs. Carter?

---President Carter, do you happen to recall whether your wife attended many of your own meetings with your cabinet members during your tenure as Chief of State? If so, was Eleanor Roosevelt of the Franklin Roosevelt Administration possibly the only prior First Lady of this nation who, like your wife, may have routinely attended cabinet meetings and actually made comments at those meetings?

---President Carter, how would you yourself rate First Lady Rosalynn Carter among all of the First Ladies of the United States whom you have yourself read about or met in person? Also, what do you believe was the greatest contribution that First Lady Rosalynn Carter made to the United States during her tenure in the White House?

---President Carter, is there any foreign nation that has befriended the United States and American people very generously and kindly, but in your view has not been given adequate recognition and appreciation and respect by the U.S. Government or by American society? Would you cite Canada as being an example of a foreign nation fitting that description, or would you instead cite some other foreign nation, such as possibly Australia or New Zealand or Sweden?

---President Carter, of all of the foreign nations of the entire world, which one foreign nation do you believe the U.S. Government or American society has wronged the most severely in recent decades?

---President Carter, do you believe that the federal government under U.S. President Barack Obama has devoted enough attention to any and all implications for the United States and American national security from the apparent growing political and economic alliance between Russia and mainland China?

---President Carter, as you know the European nation of Albania has long struck American political observers as a hostile foreign nation of widespread xenophobia and parochialism. Do you anticipate any scenario in which American society might significantly improve our nation's relationship with Albania? Or have you, in fact, chosen to regard Albania as a "hopeless case," from an American standpoint, it being apparent to many observers that Albania traditionally has chosen to ally itself with mainland China while shunning involvement with the United States, if I remember correctly.

---President Carter, is there any foreign nation of today that does not currently have diplomatic ties with the United States Government, and that you believe should receive official recognition from and accompanying diplomatic ties with the U.S. Government?

----President Carter, is there any foreign nation of today that currently receives official recognition from and diplomatic ties with the U.S. Government, even though you yourself question whether that foreign nation should be accorded that type of official recognition by the U.S. Government and American society.

---President Carter, many Americans think of you these days in terms of your great and noble contributions to poverty-stricken residents of Third World countries. Is it fair to ask you, Mr. President, whether your emphasis through your philanthropic efforts on befriending residents of Third World nations partly reflects your own conclusion that the United States and American society have possibly exploited or neglected or actually harmed some foreign nations? Do you find that the people of Third World nations are more likely to elicit your own sympathy and admiration and affection than the people of 21st Century United States do?

----President Carter, how would you reply to those critics of American society of today who say that Americans are "spoiled and excessively materialistic and lacking in a deeper sense of morality"?

---President Carter, you may well recall the very impressive factual accounts about extensive recycling of recyclable items in this country that occurred during World War II, and possibly during World War I before then as well. Mr. President, do you regard it as very tragic that only when the United States is embroiled in a Congressionally-declared war against one or more other nations can American society as a whole and our federal government find the resolve to aggressively pursue extensive recycling of recyclable goods throughout this entire nation?

---President Carter, do you agree with the American editors of "Time-Life Books that the 20th Century should be evaluated by historians as "The American Century"? Or do you regard that type of summary of what the 20th Century throughout this planet consisted of as dangerously misleading and dangerously provincial or short-sighted on the part of those who sum up the 20th Century that way?

----President Carter, do you agree with Tom Brokaw, the former anchorman for the NBC television network's nightly news program, who wrote a history book which dubbed the Americans who fought in World War II as our nation's all-time "Greatest Generation" of Americans?

----President Carter, would you be willing to comment on which Hollywood movies of the last 50-year period are movies you yourself believe to have been sufficiently idealistic and wholesome and philosophically deep enough and thought-provoking enough and intellectually enriching enough to make you very proud to be an American yourself when you watched those movies?

----President Carter, many people will always remember your now-famous interview with "Playboy" magazine during the 1976 U.S. Presidential campaign, in which you politely commented to that men's magazine that you yourself have "lust in my heart," you stated at that time. Mr. President, do you ever regret having permitted "Playboy" magazine to interview you, or do you regard that interview with "Playboy" as having been a helpful means for you to convey the message to our nation's voters that even though your initials are "JC," the very same initials as those of "Jesus Christ," you fully acknowledge that you yourself are very human?

-----President Carter, do you now believe that possibly your now-famous 1976 interview with "Playboy" magazine possibly neglected the great role held by non-sexual or platonic relationships, including mutual-consent platonic personal relationships, in your own and other Americans' lives? Mr. President, do you regard any such oversight as possibly comprising what you may well regard as one of the most glaring of the "tragic flaws", if one could call them that, of "Playboy" magazine?

----President Carter, do you subscribe to the view that heterosexual or bisexual American men who are single and sexually promiscuous, such as the vast majority of the subscribers of the very 'Playboy' magazine that you agreed to be interviewed by in 1976, should themselves feel honorbound to at least consider obtaining a vasectomy on their own body that would spare numerous American women from any risk of their ever getting pregnant out of wedlock as a result of having sex with those men?

---President Carter, does it seem to you that the unwanted pregnancy rate in this nation of today is probably higher than it was when you led our nation as our Chief of State in the late 1970s? Mr. President, do you believe that our entire nation should be devoted to helping to significantly reduce the unwanted pregnancy rate in each and every state of our country, it being painfully apparent that mothers who give birth to children they do not want will not be as loving toward those offspring, if they raise them at all, as they would have been toward a child they actually WANTED to give birth to and raise.

----President Carter, are you alarmed by the increasing percentage of American women and American girls who give birth to a child out of wedlock or who get pregnant out of wedlock? Does that increase point to a growing societal malaise of the type that you previously deplored in the famous nationally televise speech you delivered to the American people in the late 1970s during your term of office as U.S. President?

----President Carter, you no doubt recall that one of your predecessors, U.S. President Lyndon Johnson of Texas, was famous as well as infamous for his frequent use of obscene or profane speech in his telephone conversations and in-person meetings in his official capacity as our nation's Chief of State. Mr. President, aside from yourself, of course, do you know of any other U.S. President from the latter 20th Century who consistently refrained from verbalizing profanity throughout his entire term of office? Was that other exception to the rule Gerald Ford, the incumbent U.S. President whom you defeated in the 1976 Presidential campaign? Or was it possibly the 1950s U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower of the Republican Party? For that matter, would you cite Ronald Reagan as having exhibited that kind of admirable restraint in his choice of language during his tenure as U.S. President?
Incidentally, if memory serves me correctly I myself do not believe that George Bush Sr. would qualify for that type of distinction. I for one will always recall a famous quip attributed to George Bush Sr., that he or his vice presidential running mate, Mr. Dan Quayle of Indiana, either would "kick ass" or had "kicked ass" (exact or near-exact quote), if you will pardon the expression, in a planned televised debate with Vice Presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro of New York State during a Presidential campaign of the 1980s. It seems fair to note that a comment of that type by George Bush Sr. would appear to disqualify himself from any list of clean-language U.S. Presidents or Presidential candidates of the latter 20th Century.

----President Carter, I am sure that you are very familiar with U.S. President Lyndon Johnson's public reputation for "arm-twisting," as it was called, which presumably included the use of verbal threats to members of the U.S. Congress if they informed President Johnson that they did not plan to vote for a proposal of his before that governing body. During your own tenure as U.S. President, did you generally refrain from "arm-twisting" members of the U.S. Congress---or from informally bribing members of Congress, for that matter----when you wanted them to vote for legislation you were yourself supporting?

----President Carter, you have long taken pride in being an American political leader with deep moral convictions and very high integrity. Of the American political leaders of today, regardless of their own political party affiliation, which political leaders do you believe to exhibit the most impressive overall integrity and depth of moral vision?

---President Carter, would you like to see an annual "Jimmy Carter Integrity in Government" Award and accompanying financial prize be conferred on the government official in the United States and in a foreign nation, respectively, who has exhibited outstanding honor and obedience of the law and a conscientious and empathetic and honest style as a government official?

----President Carter, it is a well-known secret, if one could call it that, that you yourself did not trust Senator Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts. Would you be willing to elaborate a bit on why you yourself possibly disliked Senator Kennedy?

-----President Carter, many Americans will always remember you for your now-famous observation that you, U.S. President Jimmy Carter, and I quote, "hope that Rev. Jerry Falwell of Virginia goes to Hell in a very Christian sense of that word," or words to that effect. Mr. President, do you still feel that way about Rev. Falwell, or do you now regret that particular widely-quoted comment of yours about that fundamentalist Christian preacher who was linked to a scandal of some type.

----President Carter, I'm sure that you as a fervent Christian leader in this nation must have moments in which you attempt to imagine any surprises for you when you observe which other Americans stand before you as you enter the fabled pearly gates of Heaven, according to your own religious beliefs.
Mr. President, are you willing to comment at this time on what your reaction will be if you happen to encounter Senator Edward Kennedy and the Rev. Jerry Falwell in the place called Heaven that you as a Christian gentleman hope to enter someday in your expected afterlife?
And that question, in turn, suggests another follow-up question: Mr. President, do you know what your own words of greeting to Senator Kennedy and Rev. Falwell will be, if you do in fact encounter both of those also-famous Americans at some future point in your Christianity-posited afterlife destination called "Heaven"?

---President Carter, how important has humor been in your own career pursuits and life? Or do you subscribe to the view that humor is used excessively by many Americans as a means of avoiding a truly sincere and honest and diligent response to life's many challenges, and to our nation's many challenges?

---President Carter, are you willing to say at this time which U.S. President, if any, you yourself most look forward to shaking hands with and having a dialogue with after you presumably enter what you as a Christian gentleman expect to be your afterlife destination of Heaven. Would you most want to have a cordial one-to-one meeting in Heaven with President Woodrow Wilson, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President Abraham Lincoln, President George Washington, President James Madison, President Harry Truman, or some other U.S. President?

---President Carter, do you believe you yourself were the greatest one-term president in the entire history of the United States? If not, which one-term president do you believe was more successful as our Chief of State than you yourself were?

---President Carter, I am sure that many Americans would appreciate learning from you at this time which political and religious and cultural leaders have been the most inspirational to you or influenced your own values and beliefs and outlook the most in your own life.

---President Carter, many Americans recall your diligently humanitarian mother, Lillian Carter, and her noble efforts to help the people of India during her stay there several decades ago. Would you rank your mother as the one person who inspired you the most in your own life? If so, would you please be willing to state at this time what you admired the most about your father, a gentleman whom many Americans do not recall having read anything about, surprisingly enough.

---President Carter, many Americans remember you as having held at least five different careers: one as a nuclear physicist or engineer, one as a peanut farmer, one as governor of Georgia, one as President of the United States, and one as a non-profit humanitarian services leader and founder of the "Habitat for Humanity" group that befriends Christian low-income families by providing them with safe and free or affordable new housing. Mr. President, of all of the careers you pursued in your life, which career did you find to be the most fulfilling and enjoyable?

---President Carter, which steps do you believe that the United States should pursue to strengthen our overall nationwide program for deterring alleged continuous personal-injury-crimes, including alleged continuous sexual molestation crimes or alleged continuous sexual assault crimes? Mr. President, do you believe that there may be a need for a federal project focused on investigating continuous personal-injury crimes throughout our nation?

---President Carter, do you know of any other democratic nation that has a stronger policy for deterring anonymous communications or fraudulent communications than the United States itself has? Mr. President, do you subscribe to the view that anonymous communications and fraudulent communications that are inflicted on American citizens against their wishes pose a major threat to our entire nation that needs to be addressed as soon as possible by our federal government?

---President Carter, does it alarm you to sense that the percentage of Americans of today who consistently use clean and non-profane language in their everyday conversations is significantly lower than when you served as our nation's head of state in the late 1970s? Mr. President, what advice would you offer to President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama on what the federal government of today can do to promote more consistent use of clean and non-profane speech by as many Americans as possible?

----President Carter, I'm sure you would agree that privacy rights play a major role in any happy and healthful life of any American citizen. Mr. President, if I were to ask you to please cite the one American citizen from the entire period since January 1977, when you assumed office as President, whom you believe was unjustifiably and illegally robbed of or deprived of his own privacy rights more extensively and more comprehensively than any other American citizen you can recall from that entire multi-decade time period, which individual would you cite as that human-rights victim on American soil?

---President Carter, many people all over the world admire your efforts at ensuring that elections held in Third World nations are honest and not tainted by election-tampering of any type. Mr. President, inevitably the question arises whether you believe more should be done within this nation to ensure that elections in each and every state are conducted in an honest and corruption-free manner?

-----President Cater, which U.S. state from the most recent approximately 50-year period do you regard as having the most widespread political corruption problem? Would that state be Illinois, New Jersey, Texas, New York, or possibly some other U.S. state? Mr. President, does it strike you as ironic that our current U.S. President, Barack Obama, who emphasizes his dedication to openness and honesty in government, is himself from one of the U.S. states, Illinois, where political corruption is alarmingly widespread? Would you expect President Obama to devote his tenure in the White House in part to helping make Illinois a less corrupt state than it has all too often been?

---President Carter, do you believe our federal government should do more than it currently does to help protect the legal rights and human rights of courageously vigilant and honorable "whistle-blowers" who contact a government agency at any level to report factual evidence they have observed of alleged possible impropriety by a business or corporation or government-owned institution? Mr. President, who was your own personal favorite "whistle-blower" in the multi-decade period since the 1970s whose vigilance and alertness and courage and integrity were helpful to American society?

---President Carter, the subject of integrity in government has many facets to it. Based on what you yourself have observed about the American political scene in recent years, what estimate would you offer if you were asked by an investigative team for the weekly CBS news show '60 Minutes' what percentage of all current elective officials of the U.S. Government of today appear to possibly be addicted to marijuana or cocaine or heroin or methamphetamine or some other illicit drug? Mr. President, do you regard that type of illicit-drug addiction by a member of the U.S. Congress as potentially very compromising to the national security and integrity of our federal government? If there is at least one U.S. senator with a secret addiction to cocaine from Colombia, for instance, could this undermine his or her ability to vote wisely and conscientiously in regard to legislative proposals in Congress that relate to the South American nation of Colombia?

---President Carter, each head of state is no doubt expected by voters in his home state -- Georgia, for instance, in the case of yourself -- to pursue policies in the White House that are of particular benefit to your home state and its residents. Mr. President, during your own tenure as President which policies did you pursue to avoid any such tendency toward excessive Presidential favoritism toward your home state of Georgia and the people of Georgia?

Sunday, September 21, 2014

How To Lead a More Thoughtful and Empathetic and Kinder Lifestyle


---Turn the fan on when you are cooking an aromatic dish inside your own rental apartment unit. This will spare tenants in adjoining apartment units from their being subjected to excessive cooking aromas that they themselves might NOT regard as pleasant to their own nostrils.

---Remove the lint from the lint bin of the dryer immediately after you have used a dryer at a public laundrymat. This is considerate toward the next person who seeks to use that same dryer.

----Have the exact change you need for riding a bus already in your hand minutes BEFORE you board that metro-area public bus service as a passenger. This reduces the total stop time needed at that bus stop, which also enhances the bus driver's ability to meet his assigned time schedule for that bus route. This also means that you and the other passengers in that bus can reach your and their destination sooner.

----If you are sitting next to a friendly acquaintance or friend and you happen to be reading the newspaper, ask that individual if he would like you to give him or lend him a section of the newspaper (the financial section, for instance) that you yourself have already read or don't plan to look at.

----If you directly observe actual evidence that any person you know about is possibly or apparently being victimized by one or more felony crimes that are being perpetrated against him by one or more apparent suspects, call 911 or some reputable law-enforcement agency, such as the U.S. Department of Homeland Security or the Federal Bureau of Investigation or the Texas Rangers Division of the Texas Department of Public Safety state agency, to report that crime evidence. Your crime tip report could help to save the life of the cited crime victim!

---When you enter a public restroom that has two toilet stalls, one of them designed to accommodate handicapped persons and the other stall not equipped to serve handicapped persons, make use of the smaller, regular toilet stall if you yourself are not handicapped. This will leave the other toilet stall open for use by a handicapped person.

----Ask each of your closest friends to please tell you their birthdate. That factual information from each of them gives you the opportunity each year to purchase a thoughtful "Happy Birthday" greeting card for each of your closest friends that you can present to them or mail to them in time for their birthday.



Wednesday, September 3, 2014

MORE GUESSES ON WHAT THE 'FAMOUS LAST WORDS' OF AMERICAN COMEDIAN JOAN RIVERS COULD HAVE BEEN


The following are additional guesses about what the "Famous Last Words" from American comedian Joan Rivers either could have been or might have been or might someday be:

---"I can't decide whether I want to be buried in New York or Los Angeles. It's a toss-up for me. I'm inclined to favor New York, since from my casket I could get more opportunities to savor the aroma of fresh bagels being baked nearby. New York is famous for its bagel-bakery aromas. LA, it's more likely to be tortilla-factory aromas. And I can barely speak a word of Spanish, though I of course know the word 'ch-nga' (obscenity, with the letter 'i' situated between the letter 'h' and the letter 'n') all too well. From a posthumous standpoint, I can't say that I would thrill to the aroma of tortillas being baked. I'm a Jewish 'gringa', you might say."

----"At least I died filthy rich. I can almost see that on my epitaph: 'Joan Rivers died filthy rich!' If you're Jewish, that is one of the finest honors you can possibly achieve in life. 'It sure beats dying filthy poor', as my dear mother used to say."

---"I think I'd be happier being buried in New York, since as a stiff I would definitely enjoy the dramatic variety of seasons that New Yorkers get. In LA, the weather doesn't change all that much, so it could get rather monotonous and boring down there in my casket if I pick a cemetery in southern California. Being buried in LA would be Dullsville, from that standpoint."

---"I wish I could listen again to the uproarious laughter I got from the joke of mine I told one night that inspired the longest continuous and uninterrupted laughter from my audience. That was definitely a peak experience for me. In fact, I asked my agent to get an exact count on how many total consecutive seconds that sustained laughter from my audience lasted. He said it lasted for 200 straight seconds. I then asked my agent to put me in the 'Guinness Book of World Records' for inspiring the longest prolonged laughter by an audience in the entire history of stand-up comedy performances. I wish I had the current edition of that reference book, to find out if I actually made it in there for that great accomplishment of mine."

----"A lot of people called me 'The Smart Blonde', and I think they were very insightful to call me that. I certainly was never a Dumb Blonde type. So maybe someday there will be a new book published that features the Smart Blondes of American History, and maybe I will get profiled in that book. It will make a nice posthumous honor for me that my grandchildren can take pride in."

----"So what is going to happen to all of my great fashionwear? I have told my attorney that I don't want ANY of the wrong persons getting ANY of my finest clothes or jewelry!"

-----"Many people asked me why I didn't do more to serve as a Goodwill Ambassador between the Soviet Union and the United States, since I have Russian ancestry. I think the Kremlin sensed that if I were to visit the Soviet Union and publicly state my actual views on Russia of today, that could trigger a nuclear war between Russia and the United States. So this is probably why I was never asked to model a mink coat at Minsk."

----"Everyone says I'm a snob, and they are probably right. I've even been kicked out of restaurants here in New York because the manager said I was too arrogant and blunt and I demanded too much from my waiter. My reply is that if asking for polite and honest and friendly service is demanding too much, then I plead guilty. But I will NOT tolerate waiters who come up to me at my table and tell me with a sneer on their face that they are very sure it's my fault my dear husband Edgar committed suicide. How dare they make a comment like that at a time when I'm trying to decide which entree to order from the menu!"

----"I still don't feel it was fair when the New York Post dubbed me the 'Queen of Mean'. Have you met some of the other female celebrities of New York or LA? Compared to so many of those other ladies, and I hate to mention any names at this point because I don't want to sound petty on my deathbed, I feel very sure that I would rank among the nicer ones. My daughter says she is very sure I am right on that!"

-----"If I am the 'Queen of Mean', as the New York Post has claimed, does that give them the right to publish an editorial declaring that the 'Wicked Witch Joan Rivers has Finally Flown Away from Here Forever On Her Broomstick'? I was outraged when I learned from my hospital bed that the Post was planning to publish an editorial making that type of outrageous statement about me!"

-----"I don't get embarrassed easily. But I do embarrass others a lot. That was something I enjoyed about doing stand-up comedy. I would look out there and see all those men and women blushing beet red from what I had just said! That is a great feeling, to sense that I had a big emotional impact on them---but yes, it probably does identify me as a sadistic type, if you want to get Freudian about it. I love watching people squirm in their seats when they think I had spied on them earlier that week in order to air their own dirty laundry in public! My jokes hit so close to home that half of the audience come up to me afterward and ask me if I had hired a private detective to help me expose their own scandalous lifestyle practices!"

----"Phyllis Diller had her nightmare hair and wardrobe. I had my nightmare plastic surgery face. It gave each of us something to talk about. Otherwise, I'm sure that each of us would have run out of material when we did our stand-up comedy routines."

----"It's very ironic that I'm not well dressed on my deathbed. Fashion is my forte. But my doctor here gave me orders about how I should be dressed inside this hospital. What the doctor ordered for my garment here would have gotten a big thumbs down on the TV fashion show I'm hosting. But I've never heard of a hospital that lets you wear fashionable clothing as you lie on your deathbed as a patient. So the indignity of dying is compounded here by the indignity of dying unfashionably! I can imagine myself on the 'Worst Dressed List' of People Magazine's next front cover, with their photo of me taken inside this room where I'm looking very distressed in this ridiculous patient garment!"

-----"So many people have asked me what was the funniest joke that anyone ever told me. I have not publicized that memory of mine, because I didn't want to promote the career of a rival in the comedy industry. After all, if I promoted someone else as being funny, the next thing I know I get a pink slip from a TV show producer, saying that they have decided to replace me with this other comedian whom they now find to be funnier than I was. The comedy industry is very ruthless that way!"

----"My daughter told me I should think about my fans when I decide where to get buried. She says I should pick a cemetery that is centrally located in the U.S. so that my fans won't have to spend a lot of money traveling to honor me at my tombstone. Chicago is centrally located, but I don't see the point of being buried there. That's Oprah Winfrey's city, and I'm a nobody there. This is why I tend to favor a cemetery in LA or New York. At least I'm a VIP in those two cities."

-----"Some people have asked me whether I married the wrong man, since he was suicide-prone. I don't have the answer to that. Edgar never told me he was suicide-prone before we crossed the altar, so I had no advance warning on him. Maybe I should have insisted on getting a comprehensive and fully reliable psychological profile on Edgar before I even considered tying the knot with him."

----"Most people assume that comedians have no sense of the tragic side of life. But we do. The fact that I am not immortal, which I have discovered today for the first time, is the biggest tragedy from my own life. If I die today, I won't have the option of shopping at Macy's department store tomorrow! I can't imagine anything more tragic than that!"

----"I am NOT a femme fatale, no matter what everyone else says. I was NOT the one who drove my dear husband Edgar so crazy that he committed suicide!"

----"I wish I had remembered to include a provision in my will that requires everyone who attends my memorial service to refrain from wearing the color black for that. I want everyone to dress up in cheerful colors. That would be the best possible way to celebrate my life as a Fashion Adviser to the entire world."

----"I wanted to make citizens arrests here in New York in my role as a Fashion Police Officer. But my attorney told me I did not have a legal right to arrest anyone for being an eyesore in public."

----"I wish I had not delayed writing my memoirs. I was planning to write those at age 90, when I would have had more leisuretime available for a project like that. I wish I could somehow dictate that entire book from my deathbed today, but I don't have a tape recorder with me. If I had a tape recorder right now, those memoirs could earn me a lot of money and I could make the Times best-seller list in a posthumous sort of way."

----"Everyone expected me to make Suicide Prevention a favorite cause of mine for public-fund-raising events I'd be expected to preside over. Jerry Lewis had his 'Help the Handicapped' campaigns; and I was supposed to help raise funds each year for everyone who wanted to save a loved one of theirs from any risk of their ever contemplating suicide. I probably did disappoint a lot of people when I vetoed that proposed cause for myself. I found it too depressing. Let's face it, I'm a comedian, not a social worker, for God's sake! If someone wants to drop dead, far be it from me to stand in their way!"

----"Many people have told me that I lack compassion. That's not true. I feel lots of sympathy toward myself right now as I lie on this deathbed!"

----"At least I kept a good figure throughout my life. That's more than most New York ladies can say."

----"I wish I had videotaped a greeting that could have been shown to everyone who attends my memorial service. I would try to make it all as funny as I can possibly make it, since I want them to be laughing very hard throughout that entire ceremony."

----"I wish that the people who called me a 'bitch' had asked me whether I agree with them on that. I would have replied, 'You are damn right I'm a bitch, and why did it take you forever to figure that out about me?'"

-----"Here I was planning to do a lot of traveling in my 80s, since there are a lot of places I had wanted to visit but never found the time for. I love the idea of yodeling in the Swiss Alps, but for some reason I never did. I'm an entertainer by nature and I love to make a big scene with lots of noise from me everywhere I go. But I don't know how to yodel, anyway. I would have to take yodeling lessons before I visit the Swiss Alps for a vacation in my 80s. But now that it's come to this, I guess I will have to cancel that plane flight."

---"A lot of people assumed that because I'm filthy rich and Russian in ancestry, I always put caviar on my bagels. That's one of the leading popular misconceptions about me. I was perfectly happy with cream cheese on my bagels. That may sound very, very bland, but so help me God it's the complete truth!"

---"I made it very clear in my will that only 10 specified younger Anglo men I have cited by name, each of them half my age or younger, will ever at any time be permitted to perform posthumous cunnilingus on me at an annual civic event after my dead body is buried in a public cemetery either in LA or New York. I added that provision to my will because I realized that I am obviously an irresistible sex goddess, particularly in my early 80s when I seem to be everyone's favorite pin-up girl. I wanted to officially offer this one annual public cunnilingus ceremony featuring the opening of my casket and disrobing of my body for that one annual X-rated civic event as my way of thanking the younger men I adore the most who have been my leading admirers in recent years!"

----"I did ask in my will that the cemetery they bury me in be one that never gets earthquakes, if at all possible. It could be very stressful to me as a corpse if an earthquake jolt causes my casket to suddenly fall into a crevice and completely vanish from Geiger Counter detection, even with all of the gold jewelry I'll be wearing inside my casket! If that happens, it will be impossible for anyone to dig up my casket in order to hold an annual necrophiliacal cunnilingus public ceremony featuring me as the highlighted celebrity corpse!"

----"Maybe I did do too many boob jokes in my stand-up comedy performances. That may have hurt my public image in some ways. A lot of ladies would come up to me after a performance I did and they would ask me, 'Are you poking fun at me because I just underwent surgery for breast cancer and I lost both of my breasts?' Then I would see how very hurtful my boob jokes can be to some of the ladies in my audience. So I would reply to those ladies by flatly agreeing---and it's very funny that I just used the word 'flatly', since ladies who lose their breasts are obviously FLAT-chested---that losing their breasts is tragic. I would then quickly add, 'My job as a comedian is to find the funny side in tragedy. If I can get you to laugh about the two breasts you just lost from cancer surgery, maybe you will live longer for having laughed about your new life as a beautifully breast-less lady!' When I say that, that always seems to cheer them up!"

----"Some of my friends when they were drunk used to tell me that I should apply for a job with the State Department, since it would be very funny to find out how long I would last if I got a job as a diplomat in a U.S. embassy somewhere. My reply is that I would last two minutes or less, since I would immediately tell that foreign country exactly what I thought of it. And I would probably spit in the face of the leader of that foreign country, to make it very clear that I did not respect his leadership style."

----"Many people have asked me why I didn't agree to be a featured celebrity on display for a 'Facelift Queens Float' at the annual Macy's Parade here. I felt it would not be fair, since the other facelift queens would obviously not be half as pretty as I am. I did not want to humiliate those ladies in public by waving at my fans from the same parade float as themselves."

----"My God, this means that Betty White will still be alive after I am dead! Here I thought she was ancient! But now the 'New York Post' will call her up to ask her how it feels to outlive Joan Rivers! Betty White will offer them a nice juicy quote about how wonderful it feels to outlive one of her arch-rivals in the field of comedy!"

----"No one ever asked me how many pairs of shoes I own. If you had asked me, I would have told you I own exactly twice as many pairs of shoes as Mrs. Marcos of the Philippines did during her family's dictatorship there. If that makes me a dictator at heart, so be it!"

----"I honestly don't want them to re-name any of the streets of New York as 'Joan Rivers Boulevard'. I have given some thought to that, since I'm of course very popular and influential here. But I would not want to be posthumously responsible for any of the fatal traffic accidents that would occur there after Sixth Avenue---the street I assume they would select for the honor on my behalf---gets re-named as Joan Rivers Boulevard. Besides, everyone is used to calling it Sixth Avenue. And think of all the business stationery with 'Sixth Avenue' on it that would have to get discarded because of me! That would be a waste of paper that I cannot justify!"

----"A lot of people compared me to Madonna, since Madonna and I are both famous blonde divas. The primary difference between us is that Madonna is laughable in a ridiculous sort of way, while I myself am funny without ever being laughable or ridiculous. I take myself very seriously, and I'm not an air-head."

-----"I take pride in the fact that media accounts about me this century almost never referred to me as being a widow. I think everyone realized that the term 'widow' did not do justice to me. I was always MUCH MORE than a surviving spouse of Edgar!"

----"Some people assume I want to be buried beside Edgar at a cemetery. But since Edgar divorced me through the act of suicide, I don't feel like being his next-door neighbor after I'm dead. Maybe there should be a special Suicide Leapers Cemetery for people like Edgar. I admit I have lost a lot of respect for him because what he did was self-inflicted homicide. That makes Edgar a murderer, and I do NOT want to have a murderer for a next-door neighbor during the posthumous period of my own life. Having a murderer for a next-door neighbor would give me the creeps as I lie in my casket!"

----"I would prefer that all of the flags be flown at full mast on the day after I'm deceased. But if you must fly the flags at half-mast to honor me, then I won't do anything to stop you. How could I? It's not as if I'll have a cell phone at my disposal when I'm lying there motionless inside my casket! I can't call the city desk editor at the 'New York Post' to demand that all the flags in New York be flown at full mast that day!"

----"People sometimes comment to me that they believe I'm an accomplished author. 'Accomplished?' I will reply. 'All I ever accomplish is I make lots of dough from money-raking projects, some of them involving a deal with a book publisher. The books I put my name on are just a tool I use for making as much money as possible in order to buy more jewelry and more pairs of shoes to add to my collection. Maybe what motivates me is that I secretly want to purchase Marvin Gardens. It's probably the Joanie from my childhood who always wanted to win big in the board game of Monopoly, so I could purchase Marvin Gardens and feel a bit like that famous naked lady Eve in a Garden of Eden somewhere in Manhattan. But god help me, I have no idea where Marvin Gardens are. I've seen some botanical gardens at Central Park, but none of them were called Marvin from what I can recall. So this is why I will never make any money from writing a guide to Manhattan. I don't even know how to give a tourist directions to Marvin Gardens!"

----"Fortunately, I left behind $1 million in my estate to finance the semiannual digging up of my corpse for the sake of obtaining additional forensic medical evidence indicating that during my lifetime I was either medically harmed or murdered by members of the criminal element. All findings from that semiannual forensic exam on me using the finest possible forensic testing technology would then be filed each year with the district attorney's office and the FBI and the county attorney's office, and possibly even one or more municipal police departments or the New York State Police or the U.S. Attorney's Office, to help me achieve the posthumous criminal prosecutions I insist on pursuing in my capacity as the crime victim."

-----"It's odd how all I can think of is the hourglass featured at the start of that television soap opera 'Days of Our Lives', accompanied by the male narrator's dramatic statement: 'Like sands through an hourglass, these are the days of our lives!' To think that I'm down to my last grain or two of sand as I lie on my hospital bed here in New York!"

----"Fortunately for me, I never hid any dark secrets about myself from Melissa. So I don't have anything new to confess to her at this point--she's already heard it all thousands of times over!"

----"I want to keep all of my organs intact, so that the follow-up posthumous forensic medical examinations on me that my estate will be paying for in full can be as thorough as possible in helping me to punish each of my enemies! I define 'enemy' as anyone who attempted to reduce my medical lifespan or harm my medical health----or anyone who deliberately robbed me of my beauty-rest sleep on a frequent basis!"

----"I appreciate the invitations I've had to contribute through my estate toward the establishment of a Great American Comedians Museum that would profile me as one of the finest comedians of American history. It's nice to sense that I can achieve immortality in that way by turning into a first-rate museum exhibit in my honor that will be admired by all future generations."

-----"It's too bad I never joined a 21st Century Algonquin Table group that would have rivaled the one that Dorothy Parker, may she rest in peace, was a famous member of. If I had joined a 21st Century group of that type, we could have videotaped each of our group's wit-filled meetings for the sake of posterity!"

----"Many people have asked me when I first became aware of being very funny and entertaining. I hope my official biographer that my estate will be paying $1 million to for that book project about me will take note of this point: I am very sure it was on my fifth birthday when I first knew for sure that I had a genius for humor. After I blew out all the candles on my birthday cake, I looked around me with a mischievous grin on my face and asked if anyone wanted a blow job from me? I was thrilled to see so many of the party guests blushing beet red, and this proved to me I knew all about humor by age 5. Humor, to me, has always been making comments that cause the listener to turn beet red with embarrassment. That's always been my personal definition of success as a comedy entertainer!"

Friday, August 29, 2014

WILL THE FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF JOAN RIVERS BE WITTY ENOUGH AND FUNNY ENOUGH TO GET QUOTED FOREVER BY HER ADMIRERS?


The news this week that comedian Joan Rivers is in the hospital prompts the inevitable question of whether that famously quotable lady is giving thought to what her eventual "Famous Last Words" will be.

No doubt Joan Rivers worries at times that her eventual "Famous Last Words" from her own proverbial deathbed scene might not be witty enough or funny enough to rank her among the "immortal deathbed quipsters" of American history.

As an occasional freelance writer who has myself sent some humor material to Joan Rivers in recent years, I would like to offer some possible "Famous Last Words" lines that that world-famous comedian might want to use on her proverbial deathbed someday:

---"I was hoping to live long enough to witness a permanent and lasting peace in the Middle East in which all parties involved are completely happy. But I guess I won't have that opportunity now. With my luck, the first-ever successful peace treaty for the entire Middle East region will get signed seconds after I'm gone."

----"Edgar, I will NEVER forgive you for abandoning me and leaving me all alone like this!"

----"Moments like this make me wish I believed in an afterlife. But since I'm Jewish, that is not an option for me."

----"I wish I had re-read Norman Cousins's book on how to cure yourself of a terminal illness by laughing more often. Maybe I didn't laugh enough in the last few months, and that is why I'm having this crisis. Does anyone know a good joke that would help me to laugh so hard that I'd be fully cured of everything the doctor says I have right now?"

----"I guess it's too late for me to sue my doctor for malpractice. If I die today, my attorney tells me I can't file a posthumous lawsuit against my doctor in a court of law! I would have to rely on the administrator of my estate to file that medical-malpractice lawsuit for me, and I think I picked the wrong guy to represent my estate, since he never promised me he'd sue my doctor if I die before age 100! It's all turning into a complete posthumous disaster for me!"

----"My God, I never once had anyone interview me for an Oral History Videotape for the New York Public Library archives! Here I'm the funniest lady in American history, and the Oral History Collections section of that public library has nothing on Joan Rivers! That's a very cruel joke on me!"

-----"I wish I had been a Hollywood actress, at least I would have had immortality in the form of my footprint forever on display at that famous theater in Hollywood! Since I can't act, and I never could act so help me God, I don't get any footprint on display for future generations to remember me by! That is quite devastating to me!"

----"Maybe I should rewrite my will to exclude each of the persons who didn't send me flowers or get-well cards when I'm on my deathbed like this. The ones who didn't send me flowers or get-well cards can't possibly be true friends of mine, so I don't want them to get anything from my estate!"

----"It seems like I've spent all of my life doing stand-up comedy, so I'm used to being on my feet when I'm exploring the humorous side of life! And now that I'm lying on a hospital bed like this, I can't think of anything funny to say! Maybe the humor has switched to my doctor doing the stand-up comedy in front of me and I'm the one who's supposed to laugh at whatever he tells me is my prognosis! So it all ends with Gallows-Humor, and I'm expected to chuckle as I ponder who is going to get my social-security number after it gets re-assigned to someone else one minute after I'm dead!"

----"I can't bear the thought of a nationwide humor drought after I'm gone. Maybe I should ask my attorney to set up a 'Joan Rivers Comedian of the Year Award' that will financially reward future generations of comedians for excellence at exploring the funny side of life!"

-----"To me, the worst part about being on my deathbed inside a hospital is that I can't eat the dishes I enjoy the most. I know dozens of first-rate caterers here in New York, but my doctor won't let me call them up and ask for delivery service to my hospital room. It's against hospital policy, my doctor tells me!"

-----"What's so odd about it all is that for years I had practiced what I would say as my Famous Last Words, God forbid that I would ever end up in a disgusting deathbed scene like this inside a hospital. And now I've forgotten all of the best lines I came up with from that favorite pastime of mine in which I would imagine how to drop dead in the most cleverly quotable manner!"

----"At least I'm not a suicide blonde, as Marilyn Monroe was. I think all my friends are very proud of me for not being another of those infamous suicide blondes!"

-----"I wish I could figure out which food I ate that gave me the heart attack. Was it the slice of New York cheesecake I ate the other day that proved to be a fatal attraction for me, or was it something else?

----"At least I don't have to worry about when to go to the bathroom, now that I'm on my deathbed inside a hospital. The catheter takes care of everything for me. It saves me a lot of time, and God knows I can use every extra minute now that my lifespan is down to a matter of hours, according to my doctor."

-----"My biggest regret was that I never became a CEO for a company of my own. Donald Trump agreed that I had the talent for it, since I won first place on his show 'The Apprentice' several years ago. It would have been fun to own my own company and join a CEOs of America Club of some type and attend annual banquets honoring first-rate CEO's like myself!"

---"At least I had a pretty good record for endurance. Look at all the talented ladies and men I knew who died younger than myself. I attended hundreds of funerals in my life, and it was a very bleak experience for me. Maybe that is what helped me to make a firm decision to postpone my own funeral as long as I possibly could!"

----"The worst part about being on my deathbed is my certainty that all of my enemies and rivals are smirking and gleefully celebrating what they hope will be the day I turn into a 'Joan Drops Dead' front-page story in the New York Post. I wish I could leave behind a special provision in my will that finances year-round electronic surveillance of each of my 10 most hated enemies, along with automatic filing of criminal charges against each of them the minute they commit a felony crime of any type while being electronically surveillanced by the administrator of my estate!"

---"I don't agree with those who say that I pursued a life of humor because I was incapable of leading a serious and mature and responsible adult life. I feel that what I did was NOT childish or sophomoric or silly, as so many of my high school classmates have sarcastically commented to me at our class reunions!"

----"My worst fear is that my darling daughter Melissa will write a 'Mommy Dearest' expose on me a year after I croak! I have tried to avert that scenario by leaving behind a very generous fund in my estate that's earmarked for filing a lawsuit against any relative of mine who writes an expose on me after I'm dead that my attorney determines to be at all libelous or defamatory toward me!"

----"At least I didn't end up in a nursing home! Think of all the relatives and friends and classmates of mine who got stuck in a nursing home and turned into brain-dead human vegetables long before they passed away!"

-----"The timing of this deathbed scene disaster for me couldn't be worse. I was very excited this week about pursuing a new book project in which I would compile and edit an anthology of my all-time favorite jokes that I have either heard or read or come up with myself! I was thrilled about that 'Joan's Favorite Jokes' book project, since it could make the Times best-seller list and earn me millions!"

----"If my mother were alive today, she would be asking me if I have anything to confess to a rabbi before I'm officially pronounced dead by a coroner. Mother was very thorough that way. I think she felt it was always best to make a last-minute confession to a rabbi, just in case that might somehow affect any possible afterdeath outcome, if you get my drift. 'Better to be safe than sorry' was a favorite saying of my dear Mother. It's not that Mother believed in the afterlife. She just wanted everyone she loved to cover all the bases, just in case, before they pass away."

----"I had hoped to schedule my death to occur during the term of office of a REPUBLICAN President, since I myself am a staunch Republican. But it hasn't turned out that way. Maybe former President George W. Bush or his nice father will be willing to attend my memorial service and offer some Republican Party praise for me at that point!"

----"To think that the last bagel I ate was an 'everything' bagel, and I myself almost never eat bagels of that type! I always take pride in eating low-calorie bagels with one primary flavor to them that are as low in sodium as possible!"

----"I wonder who the next American Queen of Comedy will be, now that my own multi-decade reign is about to end very abruptly. I feel bad that I didn't emulate Donald Trump in my own way by offering an apprenticeship to aspiring young comedians. I guess I was too selfish to think about helping to train in a future star of American comedy!"

----"I am grateful I don't have to attend my memorial service. With some of the very blunt friends and relatives I have, that memorial service could turn into a lengthy critique of whatever they regard as my least flattering traits. And I would have no opportunity to reply in person to what they say about me at that ceremony!"